i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am spending my child support on dildos
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
