I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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