ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
