I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
