Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
love makes seman taste better
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
