we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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