Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
