did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize