I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
