I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
