You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
