She is in my trunk
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
