"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
