I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
