I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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