I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
