I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
