he told me I talked like a deaf person
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
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I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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