Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
