And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
