I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
