I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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