We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
