I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
