Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize