What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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