So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
