It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
