Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I believe in your delicious
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
