You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
