I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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