i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
