Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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