I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
