when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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