Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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