If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
