In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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