I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
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Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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