I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its about making memories worth repressing
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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