I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
barbara walters just said penis...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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