idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
