i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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