We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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