A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
