Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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