between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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