I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i've created a new STD.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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