you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
