I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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