i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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