Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
