I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
