I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
