my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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