i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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