some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
