I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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