I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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