never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Drunk is not a location!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
