If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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