so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
