i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
