The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
