If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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