sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
