I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
