I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
