I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
