Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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