so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
