Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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