I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
