ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
