saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
