I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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