My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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