i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
