There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
