my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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