We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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