I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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