I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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