he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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